I am also grateful to you dear people, who have been accompanying me on this path of healing lately, and I welcome you with an open heart in the hope that you too will experience me in the same way.
Human honesty and the need to, despite everything, do good as much as we can, that has always been my motivation. Even in these most difficult moments of my life, although I am aware that they are inevitable on our path.
After a long time, I knocked on the door of this Church again. It was a time when "only" God and I remained. God, who completely came out of the shadows, literally took me by the hand and whispered "go among them, good people, your sadness is tearing you apart, there you will find comfort, tranquility and peace."
This does not mean that my previous, personal relationship with God was not enough for me. But God knew, because of course He knows everything, that I had to do exactly that now. That I need different people, but people who try to be humble before Him. Imperfect, but trying to be better. Those for whom conscience is the guide and giving glory to God is in first place because they are committed to the fact that He is the way, the truth and the life.
Yes, dear ones, I am aware that everyone has their own "story" of their little joys and great sorrows! And yes, who am I to devalue the life given to me, and to even think that my grief is the most difficult and insurmountable.
That's how God blessed me and led me again, I don't know how many times. It's like I'm learning to walk again. It's wonderful, but this consuming sadness due to the loss of loved ones and all the tragic events led me to joy, strengthening faith and regaining hope.
I felt ashamed because everything I had always intuitively lived with and deeply believed in, seemed to have drowned in hopelessness. Who am I that my suffering is the only thing that overwhelms me and threatens the very physics of my body. And who is He, the Son of God, a perfect man, so simple and humble, just and good, magnificent in his completeness?
Did I forget about that heavy and redemptive cross? Has he become less important to me right now when he should be constantly in front of my eyes???
I am asking you, God, to forgive me for this stumble and selfishness. And you were so great again that you touched me so tenderly, waited and welcomed me. He took me! And forgave!
I feel your care that strengthens and brings me back to the life you gave me. I'm learning to walk Your path again, even if it's narrow!
And I want to hope that with Your help I will accept all the challenges that are still waiting for me because You are directing my first new steps of "new birth from above" on the long road of salvation.
May Your will be done, dear Father, both in heaven and on earth! Please, give me the strength of the Holy Spirit that my faith would grow stronger, and grant that devotion to You and Your Word would be my only guide in this unpredictable sea of life.
May that "rebel" who rages and disturbs Peace with You and the Spirit of Christ, remain until we meet forever just a "defeated rebel"!
And give me, please, dear God, those former childhood joys because You are just like that, Holy, because You exist, because You are only Good that defeats evil, and Your Word is the most powerful justice in which we believe, more powerful than any weapon.
